At only 18 weeks along, this pregnancy has already been so different than my other two. I attest this to a different state of mind and the fact that it’s been nearly 4 years since the last time I’ve gone through all of this. From morning sickness to emotions, I have truly been plagued far worse throughout the past 18 weeks than I ever was throughout my first and second pregnancies, but by far the biggest challenge for me so far has been the weight gain.
Also different from the other two pregnancies is the fact that I began this one at a healthy weight. A healthy weight that took a long time to get to. A year, in fact. And that year came after nearly 7 years of dieting and 7 years of never really being happy with my appearance. Getting to the place I’ve been for the past 3 years took a long time, a lot of work, and a complete reset of my mindset. So needless to say, seeing the numbers climbing on the scale is tough. I’m still at a completely normal and healthy weight for someone who is 18 weeks pregnant but I can’t help but feel dread every morning when I step onto the scale and see numbers that I haven’t seen in over 3 years.
15 weeks ago. 2 days after we found out I was pregnant.
Another thing that is making the weight gain tough is the fact that I can’t run. Running has become a major part of my life over the past 2 years and to suddenly cut it out from my life is difficult. Originally, I wasn’t running because my Doctor instructed me not to, however, after several issues with that Doctor, I chose to switch. My new Doctor assured me that since I was a runner before pregnancy, I could continue on with it with no problems. The first time that I ran, I found it to be slightly uncomfortable but I found a pair of supportive shorts that allowed me to run just like before. After a few times of running a few miles at a time, I realized that my body is responding very differently than before and by 7pm I am so completely exhausted that I can’t get off of the couch. Seriously. I was so tired one night, that I forgot to take my contacts out and rather than get up to do so, I just took them out in bed and threw them away. So for the purpose of not missing my boys’ bedtime routine, not going to bed with a dirty house, and not dosing off during my time with Josh, I’ve decided that running will just have to wait until after the baby comes. While I obviously consider those extra 3 hours at night to be more important than what I gain from running, it’s still hard to watch as my body loses the muscles that I’ve earned. I’m still kicking my ass at the gym 5 days a week but nothing is quite the same as running.
Just like any ex fat person, my biggest fear for the past 3 years has been gaining the weight back. I can honestly say that losing the weight was NOTHING compared to how hard it is to keep the weight off. Just like any addict, it’s a daily struggle. Falling into old habits can be easy, especially now that I have an excuse. So I am taking this one week at a time. I am trying to be extremely conscious of what I eat and to remember that everything that I consume makes up the nutrients that my baby is receiving.
The good thing is that I’ve recently been able to feel the little bugger kicking around a lot. This helps to me remember that those stupid pounds are not for me, but for someone else.