There are many reasons why I write this blog. First, I like to talk. There is no easier way to share recipes, rant about random things, or just journal a little bit. I enjoy writing and drool over the women who make careers out of writing from home. But most of all, I want to document the little things that make me, me right now so that one day, the loves of my life can look back and read a little about me. Obviously, most of what I write is stuff that they already know, but if anything ever happens to me, I know that I will have left a little teeny tiny bit of myself behind for them within this blog. For this exact reason, I have decided to write love letters to each of my boys so that in twenty or forty or sixty years from now, they can remember why their lives have made mine so much better.
So here is my letter to the first boy who changed my heart.
As I have told you many times before, I knew you before you were even born. You are (as you like to call yourself) my dream come true. When I was only a couple of months pregnant with you, I dreamt that you were a beautiful, blonde haired, blue eyed boy and knew when I woke up that that’s exactly what you’d be. A few weeks later, our doctor told your dad and I that you were in fact, a girl. As I laid attached to the ultrasound machine, I cried because I knew in my heart that you were a boy and thought that I must already have bad motherly instincts if my heart was wrong. Needless to say, 6 months and 2 more (girl confirming) ultrasounds later, and my beautiful, blonde haired, blue eyed boy was born. I’ll never forget two things. First, when the nurse gasped “It’s a boy!” but most importantly, when they placed you on my belly, your tiny hand reached up and grabbed my pointer finger. In that moment I felt absolutely complete.
Watching you grow has been more than I ever imagined it to be. The pride that you give me causes my heart to feel like it’s going to burst. I, very often, don’t understand how something so perfect and good can come from your dad and I. It seems like we’re trying really hard to pretend like we know what we’re doing but you don’t mind. I am amazed on a daily basis with how much of a better person you already are than I (I credit this aspect of your personality to your dad – but don’t tell him). You rarely have jealousy, never once have had hatred in your heart, and understand empathy better than some adults I know. Of course, every once in a while you’re a little stinker. Like me, you’re not the easiest forgiver and you love to argue your point. It’s these parts of you in which I see myself and feel even more of a connection to you. One of my favorite things about you is how easy going you are. I try very hard to be so, but it’s not in my nature as much as it is in others. You find being happy easy and not much works you up.
I love the friendship that you have with your brother. It makes me feel like the two of you will take care of each other forever. You are truly best friends and I strongly believe this will never change. Even when you are misbehaving together, as long as you’re laughing together, I am happy. Actually, I love every friendship you have. You are a good friend. One of the best I’ve ever known. You are a very likable and well liked boy and every time someone tells me what a nice kid you are, I can not agree more. You are a funny little guy too. Though you’re often serious and down to business around others, your dad and I see the goofy and sarcastic side that you reserve for us. You’ve recently started telling jokes and even though you’ve only got a few up your sleeve, I can’t get enough.
Your intelligence is impressive to us. Your memory is amazing and often creeps your dad out. 🙂 What makes me happy is how much pride you take in your abilities. It’s your excitement for learning and determination to continue to do better that will make your life easy. This year you’ve started taking spelling tests. After 8 100%’s in a row, you’ve decided that it’s your goal to get only perfect scores for the rest of the year. I believe that you’ll accomplish this because you want to. Even though school work comes easy to you right now, I try to remind you that one day things will be harder so you need to practice working harder. You listen to me and do practice hard work, so I don’t think you’ll ever have a problem with it. One of my favorite memories with you comes from this past summer. After having an unsuccessful battle with a rock wall in early summer, you got a second chance in August. You waited in line for a good 15 or 20 minutes for your turn and told me that you were going to make it to the top this time. In your bare feet, you got harnessed in and started to climb the wall. The bottom third of the rock wall was simple but the higher you climbed, the harder it got. At points, you were stuck with two feet on one grip and almost lost your footing several times. You would pause and look down, afraid, but see me and smile. The rest of the line was waiting as patiently as you had waited but you were taking quite a long time and soon the adults at the bottom began to tell you that you needed to climb or get down. You calculated your next move and slowly, and shakily, made it to the next grip and the next grip until you were at the top and rang the bell. This was not easy for you. At all. It took you nearly as long as you had waited in line to make it to the top and had many people telling you should just give up. You were scared of the height and had many times when you almost fell. But you never gave up. You wanted to redeem what you couldn’t do at the beginning of summer so badly, that you overcame that rock wall despite the difficulty. Watching my 5 year old conquer a fear and an obstacle and seeing your beaming smile as everyone clapped for you will be burned into my mind forever. It was a moment that I hope to watch you experience several times again throughout your life.
I love you so much Parker. I could write a book about my love for you and all of the joys that you have brought me in just your 6 years time. There were so many things that I wanted before you were born but now the only thing I want is to be your mom. I am thankful every single day, that you are my boy.
Have sweet ice cream dreams,
This summer you learned to ride a bike without training wheels.
You always read to your brother.