Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable

Before I get started on what makes me uncomfortable, I want to explain my definition of uncomfortable. I was talking to Josh about this and we decided there is a difference between embarrassment, fear and discomfort. There’s also a difference between being physically uncomfortable and socially uncomfortable but I’m reading this prompt to mean the latter. Anytime I feel socially uncomfortable, the feeling manifests physically. First I start to feel a little weak, my palms get clammy and I severely feel like I’m going to throw up. Seriously. It seems a little dramatic but there are only a few things that make me feel this way. I also immediately feel like I need to get the heck out of where ever I am. I want to leave now. I want to be away from whatever it is (people) that are making me feel like this. Lastly, I get furious. More pissed off than I get with anything else. I HATE feeling uncomfortable, I HATE the people who are making me feel uncomfortable and I HATE the reasons that I know have caused me to feel uncomfortable in these situations. But like I said, there are only a few (two that I can think of) that make me feel like this.

The first is drunken anger. Any time I am around people who are drunk and showing signs of being angry or aggressive, I immediately start to feel discomfort. I know some people think this behavior is funny and not a big deal (especially depending on the situation) but I don’t at all. It could be the most non threatening person or environment but immediately I will start to go through all of those feelings that I explained. It’s blatantly obvious to me why I experience this reaction and it will probably never change. On top of some things I experienced as a child, I can list several times when I witnessed situations that involved drunk people being violent. Whether it was a drunken uncle trying to fight his drunken son, or a different drunken uncle assaulting his sister in law, I’ve had quite the impression made by angry drunks. Writing this out kind of makes it sound like it’s a fear, but I’m not afraid (I guess that may be different if the anger or aggression were ever directed towards me), I’m uncomfortable. And I’m annoyed. And I’m pissed that people are such complete idiots. Once, in high school, Josh and some friends and I went to a music festival that led up to one of our favorite bands playing the final act. We had been seated next to a brother and sister, who were adults, their mother (I believe) and the sister’s two little girls. The brother and sister had been drinking all day and were pretty wasted by the time our band came on. I don’t know what happened and I can’t quite remember all of the details but they started fighting with each other and it became physical. The little girls were crying and the adults were too busy to care. I instantly started yelling at the two idiots and grabbed the girls to get them away. I was sick to my stomach and fuming with anger over these people that I didn’t even know. We ended up missing half of the show because we had to take the girls to the police trailer and then give our report of what happened but they gave us VIP passes and led us to the front row. Another time in high school, Josh, his brother, his brother’s wife and myself were at a field party (this is what kids do in a small town 🙂 ) when a group of kids from a neighboring (and rival) town showed up and literally started hitting people in the face with 2×4’s, in the dark. I have never seen anything like it, before or since. There were guys gushing blood from their face and girls screaming and crying. My first reaction: vomit and leave. It was that same reaction that I described, although under this circumstance I’m sure anyone would have felt this way.

The only other thing that I can think of that makes me feel completely uncomfortable is hearing other people have sex. I know some people think this is funny too (Josh) but it makes me drop dead ready to puke. Years ago, during one of our hotel stays during a move, we could hear the couple next door. I got so sick, and then so angry, that I made Josh go to the front desk and request a different room. We packed up the boys and all of our stuff, after driving all day long, and moved to another room. Ugh.

I think for the most part, there’s not too much that rattles me. But when it comes to these two situations, I become a mess. Whew. I’m a little uncomfortable just thinking about all of this!


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