This sort of continues on from yesterday’s post.
When I was a freshman in high school, I had a pretty good relationship with my basketball coach. He lived in the same town as me so sometimes he would give me rides home after practices or games if my mom wasn’t able to pick me up. We would usually just talk about basketball but sometimes that led into deeper conversations.
One time, though I can’t remember the context of this conversation, he told me that I am too defensive. I am quick to try and explain my side of the story or argue my point when I should just listen.
He was so completely right.
My family is a big, giant group of stubborn, German know it alls and we all are too defensive. In my opinion, this trait causes loads of problems for us and is not something I want to pass along to my kids. Though I haven’t mastered the art of listening with an open mind, I am trying really hard and I feel like there’s been some improvement. I desperately want to be able to accept that there may be a better way than what I’m seeing, that it’s okay for someone to point out my flaws and that it’s even okay for me to be completely wrong. I have seen too many people lose out on relationships, fall to unhappiness and live in delusion because they’re too concerned with defending themselves and being right, rather than fixing the problem. I don’t want to be like that and I definitely don’t want my kids to be like that.
Josh has definitely helped me with this. Though he can be stubborn too, he is much more laid back than I, much quicker to admit when he’s wrong, and a very rational thinker. It’s easy for him to see when I’m being defensive rather than reasonable and he calls me out on it. I used to get defensive about that – after all, your husband is supposed to “be on your side” – but now I appreciate that he keeps me grounded.
Geeze, these last few posts have been depressing. Is it time for the top 5 favorite songs post yet?