Getting over Cape May.

I hate to complain. I really do. But, maybe we can pretend that I’m not complaining and instead just expressing my feelings? I mean. I am.

So to begin with I am still very thankful that we were given the chance to move out of Texas and I am very happy that we chose to jump on that chance. In the past three and a half months we’ve gotten to spend a great amount of time with our loved ones that we wouldn’t have gotten had we stayed in Texas. We’ve had amazing experiences that only living in NY could give us and we have some awesome plans in place for the near future that we wouldn’t have been able to make if we still lived halfway across the country. But it still doesn’t feel like we’re home.DSCN1515

Something I’ve struggled with for the past year, is wondering if I’ll ever again feel the happiness that I felt when we lived in Cape May. I’ve said so many times that that place became my home, because it did. But the thing that scares me is that I never struggled with leaving my actual home (the place I grew up and lived 95% of my life from the time I was born until I was 21.) the way I’ve struggled with leaving Cape May. I guess maybe the difference is that Cape May was where my babies became kids. It’s where they started school and made their first friends. It’s where most of their lives so far have been spent. It’s also where I became the mother that I am now. It’s kind of where I became an adult.

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Part of what I’m missing is living in a small town. Part of what I’m missing is living a quiet, relaxing life by the beach. Part of what I’m missing are the dearest friends that I’ve made, an amazing school where I’m happy to send my children, and a place where people know my name. But it is so scary to me that I may never stop missing this. I still can not think of our life in Cape May without crying. I think summertime is probably the hardest time for me because there are so many things that make me think back. Something like sitting in NYC traffic makes me think of the Shoobies. Having dinner outside on our balcony makes me think of the endless nights with my neighbors that started with lawn chairs and slip and slides and ended with fire pits and beers. Hearing the waves crash on the dirty Staten Island beach makes me think of the gorgeous Cape May Harbor that used to be my front yard. It almost seems like it was a different life. And it sucks.

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Josh wants to get out of the Coast Guard because of the struggle that I’m still dealing with. He doesn’t want to put us through being forced to leave our home again but I’m hopeful that I can get over this. I know that there is another Cape May out there for me and eventually we’ll find it. But even when we do, I will always think of our years in Cape May as some of the best in my life.ย 

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4 thoughts on “Getting over Cape May.

  1. Wow: I really appreciated this post of yours. I live in Cape May and take for granted sometimes all the things you miss. I have a brother who served 23 years in the Coast Guard and “homesteaded” 13 of them here in Cape May. With your permission I might share your link on my Facebook page. Love your blog.

    • Absolutely. And thank you. My husband’s job is not a sea going rate so it’s harder for us to homestead in many areas. One of the boats in Cape May was open for our transfer year which would have allowed us to stay for another three years (with my husband out to sea two every two months) but having just had a baby, we decided that we’d rather just move on. That choice is something that we often think about now.

  2. I find myself looking back and pinning for almost every previous assignment…after we are gone. It’s a terrible cycle of the grass is greener where we left it. We are often caught up with frustrations that we aren’t able to do this or that in our present location, things we miss having been able to do at previous locations. We miss the beaches of Pensacola. Fishing every day at the station. Even though, while we lived there, I hated my work environment so much that it ate away at my happiness while we were there. Now, looking back, I miss everything else about living there. So much. Our first move away from home was to a dinky town on the southern Oregon coast, 8 hours from family. He was at sea 2-3 weeks at a time which was miserable. But when he was home we fished, hiked, walked the beaches, went snowboarding in the winter, so many activities! And friends I made there are still friends today. I often long for that deeper bond of friendship each time we move but it’s never been like that since with anyone else. Oregon was also a pivotal point in our marriage, a time when we really grew together and broke away from some negative things that were affecting us as a couple. So we tend to remember that time fondly. I am sure we’ll miss something about this place when we leave next year, even if we can’t see it very clearly right now. We’ve had some good times and we try hard to be grateful for what we have in the present. Sometimes it’s just human nature to think back to happy memories and feel like the present doesn’t measure up. We have to work to see that it does. Hang in there. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • You’re right Jessica. It’s funny because when we left Texas I joked that there was NOTHING I’d miss about that place and now 4 months later, I find myself missing several aspects of our life there. You’re always missing something in this lifestyle ๐Ÿ™‚

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