Confessions (a zero picture post).

1. I’m sick of blogging. Actually, I’m sick of editing photos to make my blog pretty. I love using this space as a tool for documenting our life and I love taking pictures quickly and easily with my phone but lugging around a giant, heavy camera and then constantly changing the settings and then taking the time to upload the photos, edit the photos and embed the photos is now a nuisance. Expect lots of regrams for the time being.

2. My dog is named after the daughter of a Real Housewife. I’m still searching for a deeper meaning there.

3. Throughout my life there have been times when I’ve felt depressed but a few years ago I figured out that whenever I feel like this, it’s actually just because I’m either lonely or bored. Needless to say this makes being a stay at home mom who lives away from friends and family difficult sometimes.

4. Sometimes if I’m thinking about something that makes me angry or stresses me out and Josh unknowingly interrupts my thoughts, I take my negative feelings out on him even if whatever I was thinking about had nothing to do with him. Poor guy.

5. On the day of the NYC marathon, I was feeling particularly inspired (as I do every year on this day) and I registered for the NYC half marathon. Because it’s such a huge race, the runners are chosen by a lottery system so next Thursday I’ll find out whether or not I was selected. The confession here is that I am hoping (praying) that I’m not chosen. Don’t get me wrong, I love running and I know it would be an incredible experience to run a race through Manhattan but I dread the thought of training in Staten Island winter.

6. I put my Christmas decorations up too early this year and I’m already sick of them. I still think our tree is beautiful and probably wouldn’t mind keeping it up year round but the rest just feels like clutter now. All of you Grinches are rejoicing with your I told you so’s.

7. New York has started to feel like home to me. By home I mean I’m comfortable here. We’ve gotten into habits, have favorite places and know our way around now so it doesn’t feel as foreign as it did a few months ago. With that said though, I think my subconscious is rejecting my acceptance to city living. About two months ago I started trying to talk Josh into going hunting because I want the supply of free pastured meat that comes along with it, and then I fell in love with the idea of having a deer head mounted in my house and then I became obsessed with Duck Dynasty and now I really want to try squirrel. hmmmm?

8. I worry about Theo more than I’ve ever worried about anyone in my life. I worry about whether he gets enough attention since he’s in the middle now, I worry about how much sleep he gets, I worry about his ability to “sell” anyone on anything. I think of him like Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Catch Me If You Can. He’s brilliant and I feel like he’s either going to become a mogul or a criminal.

9. Getting a little deep now to something that I haven’t confessed to anyone besides Josh. I have been living in a state of fear for a while now. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, or because we live in a city now or because of all of the awful things that have happened over the past few years or a combination of it all, but basically anytime I’m not in my house I’m on guard. It drives me nuts because I’ve always been annoyed by people who live in fear so I try to hide it and work through it but it sucks. For example, Parker and I went to the movies a few weeks ago and the theater had people (security or ushers, I’m not sure) walking the isles on a pretty regular basis. Every time someone walked in I would tense up and watch them until they were seated, making sure that they were there with others. At one point, one of the employees began walking towards the emergency exit and I panicked and asked Parker if we could take a bathroom break “before the good part started” just so I could get us out of there. By the time he declined my idea I had realized that the person was just walking the perimeter of the room and everything was okay again but I know this fear is not normal. Josh thinks I should go talk to someone about this but I am against the idea of having someone diagnose me with whatever everyone else is being diagnosed with in order to help them deal with life. And though you probably think I’m crazy at this point, I do feel like it’s getting better.

10. And finally, just to end things on a lighter note, you all know that I try to live and eat as healthy as possible but yesterday Josh and I got really excited to find our favorite chip dip (which we haven’t found outside of Ohio) and crushed an entire bag of Ruffles. It was glorious and awful all at the same time.

*Josh and I don’t really celebrate our marriage anniversary but we do celebrate when we started dating – December 5 – today. In honor of 13 years together, here are some of my favorite past posts about the love of my life.

You’re my best friend.  

A piece of advice. 

Our High School love story.

Tell us how you really feel. 

A story from my childhood. 


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